The GOP's Sacrifice
June 22, 2018 | After these things Trump tested the GOP and said to it, “The GOP!”
And it said, “Here I am.”
He said, “Take your Morals, which you love, and go to the land of the U.S. Southern Border, and offer them there as a burnt offering on one of the mountains of which I shall tell you.”
So the GOP rose early in the morning, saddled its elephant, and took many of its white, white men with it, and its Morals. And it cut the wood for the burnt offering and arose and went to the place of which Trump had told it. On the third day the GOP lifted up its eyes and saw the place from afar. Then the GOP said to its white, white men, “Stay here with the elephant; I and the Morals will go over there and worship and come again to you.”
And the GOP took the wood of the burnt offering and laid it on its Morals. And its took in its hand the fire and the knife. So they went both of them together. And the Morals said to the GOP, “My leader!”
And the GOP said, “Here I am, my Morals.”
The Morals said, “Behold, the fire and the wood, but where is the Tax Reform for a burnt offering?”
The GOP said, “Trump will provide for himself the Tax Reform for a burnt offering, my Morals.”
So they went both of them together.
When they came to the place of which Trump had told him, the GOP built the altar there and laid the wood in order and bound the Morals and laid them on the altar, on top of the wood. Then the GOP reached out its hand and took the knife to slaughter its Morals.
But the angel of the Media called to it from heaven and said, “GOP, GOP!”
And the GOP said, “Here I am.”
The angel said, “Do not lay your hand on the Morals or do anything to them, for now I know that you fear Trump, seeing you have not withheld your Morals from sacrifice.”
And the GOP lifted up its eyes and looked, and behold, behind it was Hillary Clinton, caught in a thicket by her pantsuit. And the GOP went and took Hillary Clinton and offered her up as a burnt offering instead of its Morals. So the GOP called the name of that place, “Trump will provide”; as it is said to this day, “On the mount of Trump it shall be provided.”
Sophia Freuden is a graduate of Lewis & Clark College's international affairs program and currently serves as a paralegal in criminal defense.
Biblical material quoted from the Holy Bible, ESV of Crossway Bibles. Work not endorsed by any organization and is meant for purely satirical purposes.
Photo in the public domain.