Arbitror:

Latin for "I witness."

Arbitror turns a critical lens onto the world’s leading governments with the mission of keeping those governments accountable to their citizens and promoting sound policy worldwide

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House’s Cuts to Health Benefits to Be Supplemented by “Thoughts and Prayers”

House’s Cuts to Health Benefits to Be Supplemented by “Thoughts and Prayers”

November 28, 2017 | The hotly debated Tax Cuts and Jobs Act seems poised to include the repeal of the individual mandate, or the requirement for all persons in the United States to be medically insured. The idea behind this mandate was simple—the more people were insured, the smaller percentage of overall funds in healthcare payouts health insurers would have to pay. Thus, those companies would be more likely to support healthcare for more at risk individuals.

A Washington insider has told Arbitror, “Well, the individual mandate was too costly for some individuals, young men especially. When you’re in your early twenties, what do you really have to worry about? This is about returning cash back into the pockets of the deeply hurting American people.” When asked about the risk of rising premiums for the rest of participants, the insider said, “we’ve worked in a number of provisions for increased prayers and well wishes to those who may no longer be able to afford their insurance premiums. We feel as though those increased prayers will really offset the rising costs and provide adequate support for our citizens’ health.”

This tax bill has yet to hit the Senate floor, but another source told us, “unless we can get a firm grip on the number of prayers this plan includes we cannot vote on it the way it is. Today, genuine prayers come at a true premium.”

In case you can't tell, this is satire. Please do not take it seriously. We don't like getting sued.

 

Julian Strachan is currently pursuing a Master's in Strategic Studies at Johns Hopkins University.

Photo by Senior Airman Vernon Young for the U.S. Air Force

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